Thou shall know the truth and nothing but the truth

Courtesy: www.zcool.com.cn

What do Engineering graduates from India do post their graduation?

A)MBA

B)MS

C)A Job

No this is not Derek O’Brien interrogating you unnecessarily nor am I SRK flaunting of the new KBC look. It’s just me thinking aloud.

I would say all three options take an equal share of the pie, but the ones pursuing their Masters be it an MBA or an MS are the ones who get the royal “Oh Wow” treatment. Between the two The US M.S definitely takes the cake.

In India I see engineers doing their MS in the US to be looked at with revere- the senior population are proud of their “climbing the success ladder betas and betis” while their contemporaries look at them, hearts filled with jealousy and envy. After all, going to the US has been termed as the big achievement-managed only by the crème de la crème for many Indians generations now. I was convinced too…until I came to the US.

My US corporate experience as a consultant from an IT offshore vendor to publishing companies has led to a number of over the coffee table conversations with my client side counterparts. One such conversation with P left me feeling disgusted and reproachful.

P decided to play “Spot 10 differences in the picture” game with me that day, the only difference being she had sheets to play with and not pictures. I thought it would be fun and eagerly took the sheets from her. “Ok make that 5 differences and ill take you out for lunch tomorrow” said P. I flashed my “you love me don’t you” smile and turned to the sheets.

Much to my surprise all sheets were spectacularly similar. 2 in fact had the same spelling mistakes. (P had gone the extra length to highlight all)

5 differences? It was hard to fine a single one for crying out loud I thought! All the resumes were so similar. Yes they were resumes.

I turned to P with a puzzled and lost Prof Calculus look on my face. Why do you have so many copies of the same resume I asked? She laughed. The gigantic P laugh which leaves you with a sinking “it’s going to be a looong coffee break” feeling.

“These are the resumes of 5 candidates that I just got from the headhunting agency” said P.

P and her team had just fired a Business Analyst the week before. A Business Analyst who apparently had 7 years of work experience but was yet to figure out what analysis meant. After using me as her punching bag to vent out all her frustrations she called the head hunter and asked him to call the BA back (recruits made through a headhunter cannot be fired directly. The message is sent to him/her through the head hunter).

Guess P was on the prowl for a BA again I thought.

“You know R left right? We need a BA but not someone whose work we have to do!” she started off.

“Ok so these are resumes that you have received for a BA position from the head hunter, but why are they so similar” I asked her.

“You have hit the nail on the head Seeda” she said giving me that rare “I’m proud of you” look. (I turn Seeda from Seeta while I am in the US in case you are wondering about the sudden change in name. Nothing intentional about it mind you :D)

They are all fake don’t you see? Some of them have the same spelling mistakes, the same sentence repeated across resumes. Jeez! I interviewed one candidate over the phone today. He had a few things listed out on his resume. So I thought I would ask him about them. I asked him what “Gap Analysis” was, and he goes “tap tap tap” on his keyboard and recites the definition of Gap Analysis which you get on entering “Define: Gap Analysis” in Google! I did it to actually confirm what he was reciting!” Sense seemed to prevail 20 minutes into the call and he started hitting “Mute” on his phone each time I asked him a question” P seemed to have been waiting all day to meet her punching bag and pour out all her irritation.

“Tell me how is that all these 5 candidates have been working for American Express, Merill Lynch and Lehman Brothers??”

All she expected from her punching bag was a nod of the head. Little did she know how disgusted I was feeling right then…

“There were 2 girls I spoke to” she said. They sounded ok so I called them over for a quick chat today. We asked the first one to write out some requirements and she gives us a paper with gibberish written all over, the second one was honest enough to admit though that some projects mentioned on her resume were projects she didn’t “necessarily” work on.” I wouldn’t fake my resume in a million years! What did they do in their MS? But why would they care, they get the money and that’s all that matters” bellowed P.

The thought had crossed my mind too but I was too ashamed to react. I stared at the resumes in my hand. The bold italicized “M.S” stared back at me.

Needless to say all were Indian.